Esther Blum – Be Gorgeous


Be Gorgeous
Jonathan: Hey, everyone. Jonathan Bailor here and I am really, really happy about todayās bonus Smarter Science of Slim podcast because we have a woman with us who is gorgeous, in every sense of the word, and her work reflects it both literally and figuratively. We have with us none other than Esther Blum, who is the author of many books, one of which is Eat, Drink, and be Gorgeous. She is also coming out with a new book in January of 2014 called Cavewomen Donāt Get Fat. You can learn more about her at LivingGorgeous.com, but of course, you can learn a lot more about her in the next 20 or 30 minutes because she is with us! Esther, welcome. Thank you for making this podcast so gorgeous.
Esther: Thank you for having me. I heard you trip up your words at the beginning and I was like, āOh, maybe heās getting very excited for this call! I donāt know.ā
Jonathan: Iām just nervous to be talking with someone who is so gorgeous.
Esther: Oh, stop. Oh, stop. We are all capable of gorgeousness and itās really a state of mind much more than a state of be hind.
Jonathan: Well, there you go. What else do I need to say? Letās start talking about the title of ā I mean, youāre famous for being gorgeous and for helping people be gorgeous, but you do so in a way that is so substantive, and thatās what I like. Youāre not about the surface; youāre about going beneath the surface and once you take care of that, youād be surprised ā the surface tends to ensue. So, tell us a little bit about your approach and your path and how you really, just your story ā how you got to where you are today, Esther.
Esther: Oh my gosh. Sheer tenacity. Itās funny. It took me five years to even find an agent for my first book that was really a good fit for me. Everyone critiqued it and said āit wasnāt this enoughā and āit wasnāt that enoughā and finally I was blessed to land my agent, Celeste Fine[02:20], back when I worked with Dr. Perricone and I havenāt looked back since. I really projected to the universe what I wanted to happen, rather than what was actually happening, and people believed it and believed in the project before they saw it, so I was really grateful. My books come from an authentic place because I struggle, too. I donāt have the perfect body. I have to work inside my head and on my body just like everybody else. Yeah, if I could, Iād be a smoking alcoholic, but sadly, my body doesnāt like that. So while Iām here on earth, I have to be healthy.
Jonathan: Esther, tell me a little bit about what you actually mean when you say ābe gorgeousā because someone who might just be learning about your work might perceive that as one way which I know is inaccurate. Dig into that a little bit.
Esther: Right. Yes, makeup and clothes and hair do wonders for a girl, but really to me, living gorgeously is living an authentic life and that means being true to yourself and looking yourself in the mirror each day and rather than feeling victimized by your choices, it means being empowered by your choices. I think change is the biggest struggle for most people and especially women. Our bodies change tremendously throughout the month with our different hormonal cycles. Then if we have children our bodies change. If when we go through menopause our bodies change, and itās constantly fluctuating and we really have to learn to be as proactive as we can.
Look at yourself in the mirror every morning and say, āDid I do the best I could today/yesterday?ā āDid I eat everything I was supposed to?ā āDid I get my workouts in this week?ā Itās really looking at yourself lovingly, but with a firm guiding hand, saying, āHey, you know what? I canāt sit and complain about my body if Iām not doing something about it.ā That, to me, is living gorgeous. Itās being true to yourself and quieting your inner critic and just kind of being steadfast and going forth with your goal.
Jonathan: Esther, I love that. The follow-up question I have for you is ā what do you say to individuals you speak with and your clients when they might be doingā¦? Because weāre certainly told to do a lot of things ā for example, the traditional notion of a healthy diet weāre now seeing more and more is, in many ways, if your goal is to be gorgeous in the way you described, one of the last diets you should actually be eating.
So what do you do when you find an individual who is almost in a state of learned helplessness, where theyāve tried to live gorgeously, but the information theyāve been given and the strategies theyāve been given actually donāt lead to a gorgeous life?
Esther: Well, if somebody is certainly in a really negative mindset, then we talk about other adjunct therapies that can help shake them out of it. Thereās cognitive behavioral therapy, thereās homeopathic, thereās psychotherapy, thereās a million other things. Itās really the root cause. Quite frankly, I have yet to have a client that was in such a negative place that they couldnāt be helped in some way.
I find itās not a negative mindset that is hardest to overcome, itās how to really inspire people that is the biggest challenge. For me, I find ātough loveā works the best. I do have some clients that I can feel that they need to be coddled and their hands need to be held and Iām happy to hold their hands and I say, Iām happy to support you, but your responsibility lies in meeting me at least halfway. I canāt be at home cooking all your meals for you. I canāt be with you when youāre traveling and when youāve had a bad day and you want to down a glass of wine and a bar of chocolate.
I can certainly, in our sessions and in between, if they call and need help ā certainly, thatās when Iām like, āGet up off your duff, pick yourself up, and go forward.ā It really depends on the person. Some people can take that and other people, it will break them. Youāve got to know someoneās vulnerabilities and when a client trusts you, itās a phenomenal gift and a responsibility at the same time, so you have to be very judicious.
I had one client who was very suicidal and bulimic and she was very challenging in that way, so she was not somebody that I could ever, even jokingly, be overly critical with, but I could say, āYouāve got to stick with this. Youāve got to meet me halfway. Youāve got to show up to your appointments.ā That ā she responded to. She liked some structure.
Jonathan: I love that. Youāre next book Cavewomen Donāt Get Fat shows ā one thing that Iāve always found to be really helpful for me at least and individuals when I talk to them because you mentioned individuals are often not never so far gone that itās hopeless ā thatās usually not the case ā and also the ability to inspire an individual: not only is your personality and just your tone and everything inspirational, but one thing that Iāve found to be inspirational is a general sense that more and more, it seems like we are moving away from trying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
For example, not just starving yourself again and not just exercising yourself into the ground again, but rather focusing on food quality or other types of quality measures of exercise and with a different approach, you can then have hope for a different result because itās not the same thing. What do you think about that?
Esther: I totally agree and my philosophy is, if something isnāt working within four weeks, if youāre not seeing the needle move in any direction, then you need to mix it up and change. The biggest challenge ā even for me personally ā lies in the ratios and for some people⦠The more overweight someone is, the easier it is to get those initial jump start results. If someone has to lose 100 pounds, if you clean out gluten or if you just get someone to come down from 300 grams of sugar a day to 100 grams of sugar a day, youāre going to see the needle move pretty effortlessly.
If you have someone whoās been dieting and exercising and has years and years of acquired metabolic damage, then it becomes much more of a strict game of fine-tuning. āHey, you know what? Letās cut your carbs down this week and up your fat.ā Or āYou know what? Your body isnāt letting go of fat, youāre eating a little too much of fat. We have to reduce your fat a little bit, but increase your fiber.ā Thatās much more scientific and a lot of detective work. It requires a lot of dedication.
Jonathan: Esther, when you say that, the way you phrase it ā it really is ā itās so common sense, but so often ā and Iām curious as to how you think we can overcome this as individuals and as a community ā it seems like so often we can get hung up on āwhose set of rules is rightā rather than āultimately, itās the individualā. Itās all about the individual. Hypothetically ā correct me if Iām wrong ā but if you were working with a client and ā this would never happen ā they were eating 300 grams of sugar a day and it seems like the more sugar they ate, the healthier they became ā like they had some weird genetic mutation where their body thrived on processed sugar. Youād be like, āWell, maybe you should keep eating sugar, I donāt know, because itās working.ā So what do we do when individuals are like, āOh, this isnāt low-carb enoughā or āThis isnāt vegan enoughā or āThis isnāt Paleo enoughāā¦.? Thatās not the point. The point isnāt to adhere to a set of rules; the point is to be gorgeous. Ultimately, that ends with individual results.
Esther: I could not agree with you more. I think all of us have lost our inner compass and the needle is just spinning around and around and weāre all a little lost and looking for somebody to just say ā and Iām sure your clients say this to ā āPlease just tell me what to do and just tell me what to eat.ā I used to make up very elaborate meal plans. I meal planned out the wazoo. I could do a month of meal plans for someone. I would spend hours doing it and I loved it. I thought, You know what? This is not enabling my client to rise to the occasion and take responsibility herself.
So I really think it boils down to empowerment ā giving your client the education, saying, āIām not going to meal-plan for you. This is your list of proteins. This is your list of fats. This is your list of carbs. Choose A, B, and C for each meal and letās see how you do.ā That enables them. Earlier, I said I have to have a client meet me at least halfway. That enables them to say, āOh, okay. Iām going to have winter squash, a chicken breast, and some broccoli for dinner.ā Because what happens is, people who followā¦.The Zone was hot years ago and people followed this religiously and they had delivery meals made. After a while, a) youāre bored, but b) you donāt learn to take care of yourself. Itās crippling almost and youāre terrified to deviate.
Whereas, if you plan your meals yourself, you can say, āOkay, Iāve got dinner out with friends. Iām going to go ahead and Iām going to pick the restaurant and Iām going to look ahead at what entrees I can have. I can find out their substitutions made.ā All of a sudden, you say, āOh my God! I set myself up for my success myself.ā It removes the fear, it removes the guesswork, and all of a sudden, you get clients with success because they learn the tools that are going to guide their eating choices for years to come.
Jonathan: I love that. I actually think that brilliant philosophy is reflected⦠Iām curious if you did this intentionally ā Iām sure you did, but Iām curious if this was the motivation behind it ā the title of your book, I always talk about ābe gorgeousā, itās not ālook gorgeousā, itās not even āfeel gorgeousā; because when you are gorgeous, that will cause you to look gorgeous and that will cause you to feel gorgeous. You can look gorgeous without being gorgeous and thatās dangerous because that means that someone else is doing the āwork for youā and as soon as they stop, you wonāt look gorgeous and you wonāt feel gorgeous, but if you are, at your core, gorgeous, then those other things will follow and will stick with you for the rest of your life.
Esther: Thatās right. Thatās absolutely right. Gandhi always said, āBe the change.ā Donāt just think about it, donāt just talk about it, just shut up and do it. No one can do the work for you. You have to stop whining and complaining and be active in your own choices, in your own healthcare, your own practitioners.
If I had a chronic health issue and one practitioner wasnāt working, Iād say, āNice knowing you. Sayonara. Iām going to find somebody else.ā Iām going to keep looking until I can find that. Some people⦠Iām thinking of a client of mine, in particular, who has bad migraines and has suffered with them for years and I keep saying, āOkay, youāve got this option, youāve got that option, youāve got thisā¦ā She doesnāt want to do anything except take drugs, but sheās still suffering. I said to her, āAt some point, you will get sick of being sick and you will be ready to make these changes. Until then, go about your business.ā
I say this not to sound negative in any way, but change happens when people are truly, deeply ready and when they canāt even stand where theyāre at anymore, theyāre like, āI canāt even look at myself in the mirror. I canāt try on a bikini. I canāt stand the way my thighs rub together when I wear a skirt.ā Whatever it takes, everybody has their limits and their threshold and some people need to push those limits and get to the worst spot for themselves before they say, āEnough! Iām ready. I will do what it takes now.ā For other people, itās easier. I think the farther you get away from yourself, the longer it takes to get back.
Jonathan: I love that. I think, Esther ā and Iām curious as to what you think about this āindividuals sometimes give themselves less credit than they deserve. Hereās a simple example. One of my family members used to smoke a lot. She got pregnant. She stopped smoking that day. Cold turkey. The third most addictive substance in the world ā nicotine trails only heroin and cocaine. People talk about how hard it is to quit smoking. It is. Get pregnant. You will quit smoking in a day. Or, individuals who practice a kosher or a halal lifestyle or any of these more religious dietary restrictions ā there are billions of people all around the world who go their whole life following a form of dietary restriction which maybe all their peers donāt, and those people are not better than us, they are not stronger than us, they do not have some gene that we are missing. I think that that kind of a perception is really powerful; like, this is all within us. We just need to believe it is important enough or be inspired enough to take that action.
Esther: Beautifully said. I absolutely agree with you. Itās funny. I grew up in a very strictly kosher home too. It had nothing to do with willpower. Itās just nothing else was an option. It just wasnāt an option. Living gorgeously is about really taking care of your body and I think, for some people, rather than focusing on the word ādietā, I think you have to think about other goals. For me, what inspires me is āI want to see my fat loss percentages decreaseā or āI want my dumbbells to be heavier. I want my barbells to be heavierā. Those things getting stronger and getting leaner motivate me. Other people need to weigh themselves every week. Other people need to write down what they eat ā frankly, thatās also a big measure of success for me, too. It really depends. Other people donāt like weighing themselves; they only want their body fat measured, they want to see their clothes looser. However, again, thatās highly individualized and you have to find what works for you.
I think people cling to diets because they donāt want to find what works for them; they want to say, āOkay, tell me what to eat. Iām going to eat it. It didnāt work for me. Okay. It failed.ā Itās not the diet that fails; itās just that the diet didnāt work for you and itās your responsibility to do detective work and say, āWell, this didnāt work for me. What will work for me?ā It is important to, rather than spend all the money on self-help books, at some point, you probably have to hire a professional who is going to really tease out what needs to be done if youāre not getting success because diets work forā¦.. What would you say diets work for ā what percentage of people? 50 percent? 40, 50 percent?
Jonathan: Standard just calorie restriction-type diets?
Esther: Yeah. Letās do Weight Watchers ā not to pick on Weight Watchers ā or a Jenny Craig or one of those ā whatās the percentage?
Jonathan: Well, Iām fortunate enough to have done some research on this. I believe itās 4.6 percent.
Esther: Thatās it?
Jonathan: Yeah.
Esther: Wow. Over what period of time?
Jonathan: Well, thatās just looking at the National Weight Registry database. They found that individuals who pursued the typical āeat less of a diet that made you unhappy with the way you feel and unhappy with the way you look; just eat less of it and just do more of whatever ā just go bang your head against the wall for 30 minutes a day, it doesnāt matter, just be more activeā.
Esther: Okay. I got it.
Jonathan: That works about 4.6 percent of the time.
Esther: Okay.
Jonathan: To put that in perspective, people actually⦠We talked about smoking earlier. Individuals quit smoking cold turkey successfully about a little over 5 percent of the time. So thereās actually a higher success rate. Just to put how sad that is into perspective.
Esther: Okay. The point is, if youāre relying on external stimuli to tell you what to put in your body, thatās going to feel a lot less natural than you yourself saying, āIām going to write down what I ate today. What gave me energy? What didnāt? Let me try a day with a lot of protein and vegetables. Did I feel good? Did I feel sluggish? What about on the days I work out? Did I need more carbs that day?ā I mean, itās really scientific at the end of the day, but if you have the patience, take a couple of weeks and go through the process, you can usually nail it down within that time, if not sooner.
Jonathan: Yeah, and then once you know youāve got it, I like to use the analogy of āa lot like fashionā, where generally you donāt want to wear your pants on your head. So there are general rules that we all can basically adhere to, like non-starchy vegetables, barring some weird condition, are probably a good thing to be at the cornerstone of your diet. You need protein, you need nutrient-dense foods ā we get that, but just like yellow might look good on some people, but not on you ā thatās when you need to do that custom-tailoring because with fashion, your body and your appearance is different from everyone elseās and your body and your biology is different than everyone elseās. Youāve got to take ownership for that.
Esther: Exactly.
Jonathan: Esther, what are some of the key things? I think youāve found some great ā I certainly donāt want to give away the farm here ā but if you had to say that in your experience, for busy individuals, busy families, what are three things they could start doing now to be gorgeous ā and not to be looking externally, but just start looking internally?
Esther: So youāre talking behavioral changes, rather than physical changes orā¦?
Jonathan: Behavioral would be great.
Esther: ā¦.anything and everything?
Jonathan: Well, yeah, everything and everything.
Esther: Everything and everything. Okay. Number one, I am such a believer in keeping a log ā keeping a food and an exercise log. If you bite it, you write it. So, knowing you have to write down everything and be accountable really often can deter you from going for that extra piece of chocolate or saying, āIām really hungry. I havenāt eaten enough today. Let me grab a piece of fruit and some nuts or a big tablespoon of peanut butter,ā is always my nightly snack because it keeps me off chocolate, otherwise Iād be eating chocolate every night. Some nights, I do have dark chocolate, but I try and go for a quality snack at night or some yogurt with fruit ā something like that, for example.
Number two is, keeping up with your activity because we are really sedentary and itās just that most of us are not active enough or weāre whatās called active couch potatoes, where we work out a half hour, an hour, a couple of times a week, but then weāre sitting all day at our desk jobs. So, activity is really, really important because studies have shown that sitting all day really causes us to be insulin resistant and it shuts our thyroid and our metabolisms down. So if you do have a desk job, get up once an hour and take a five-minute walk around the hallways, the corridors, the stairs ā do something, but try and fit in the exercise.
I used to believe that exercise was āall or nothingā; that was before I had a family. Now, Iām so happy if I do 15-30 minutes 5-6 days a week ā Iām good with that and that works for me and I get it in and I feel great about it versus dreading that, āOh my God. I have three-hour-long weightlifting sessions, then I have to walk two hours a weekā¦.ā No. I canāt do that anymore. I donāt have the energy or the endurance anymore. Iām too tired, but 15-30 minutes just charges me up and I always work hard to fit it in because I can.
Number three ā and this is kind of a new thing for me ā is really getting veggies in in the morning. I think when you get vegetables in with breakfast ā that way, if you miss them at lunch or you donāt get enough at lunch and dinner, youāve at least got that serving in at breakfast. Instead of having no vegetables during the day, I think a great way to do it is just add some chopped veggies or pre-washed spinach or some chopped-up kale into an omelet, you can do a green vegetable juice in a Vitamix and just drink that with some protein powder for your breakfast. I think it energizes you, it cuts your cravings, it sets you up for the day. It really just kind of sets the tone of honoring your body and taking excellent care of your body.
Jonathan: I love it. I love the āhonor your bodyā. Letās quickly run through these and then I have a little bit of commentary because Iām a big fan of these, if you donāt mind. So we start with ābite it and write itā ā you should put that on a T-shirt if you havenāt already.
Esther: I borrowed it. I have to say itās not mine, but I borrowed it.
Jonathan: I love it. Itās just a global thing there. There have been a lot of studies done on this where even nowadays, there are these fitness devices or you use these calorie-counting apps and theyāre like, āPeople who use our device or our app are 25% more successful in losing weight.ā The issue ā it might be the app, it also might just be having something, like you said, that makes you more conscious of what youāre doing. Technically, you can probably draw a picture of a hotdog on your hand and if you looked at that, it would just help you to remember to be conscious. Anything that can help you to make conscious decisions about food will help you to be more gorgeous and writing is a great way to do that. Right?
Esther: Yes. It actually is a form of cognitive behavioral therapy. Itās just a giant red string around your finger all day long.
Jonathan: I love it, I love it. Then you mentioned, just move. Just move. I wanted to add to this one thing, which I know youāre a fan of, and Iāve actually found to create a bit of a virtuous cycle. I have a very sedentary job, but I go out of my way to drink a lot of water and green tea. Now when you go out of your way to drink a lot of liquid, you have to walk around a lot. People are like, āIām always going to the bathroom.ā Iām like, āThatās good.ā Because every half hour, youāre forced to get up and walk around so youāre now moving more and youāre staying hydrated and youāve got all the beautiful antioxidants of fat-burning power in green tea. What do you say?
Esther: Absolutely. Perfect.
Jonathan: So, there you go. Then the last one was veggies with breakfast and thatās just brilliant. Everyone who listens to the Smarter Science of Slim is a big fan of the Vitamix. Again, neither one of us work for the Vitamix Corporation; it just makes eating veggies a heck of a lot easier, so thatās cool.
Esther: Absolutely. Another great thing, also along the same vein, is dehydrated green powder. You can always just put it in some water and drink it that way ā drink some greens that way. It doesnāt have to, again, be all or nothing. There are plenty of places in the middle.
Jonathan: Absolutely. I love that, too. I do that a lot when Iām traveling or when Iām on the road ā being able to take a Ziploc baggie full of a barley grass or wheat grass or spirulina powder or something like that. Itās not the most delicious thing in the world, but in some ways, it tastes so bad that you know itās good for you.
Esther: Okay, thatās one way to look at. Itās funny too that the traveling with supplement diet ā I saw a really funny thing online where somebody was traveling with a Ziploc full of glutamine powder and they wrote on it for TSA āNot Cocaineā. Those powders can get you in trouble. You have to be very clear with vitamins when youāre traveling.
Jonathan: Absolutely. Itās an interesting paradigm there as well because when we think of vitamins or things like that, we tend to think of pills and such, but there are also, like you mentioned, there is convenient whole food things such as dehydrated vegetable powders which, you can basically think of them as whole food vitamins ā which is great. Iāve been a big fan of that. I love when I canāt get access to whole foods, I try to actually still eat my whole foods, but in a dehydrated powder form, which doesnāt sound fantastic, but think of it like a vitamin more than a meal.
Esther: Exactly. Yeah, I think thatās brilliant.
Jonathan: Esther, this has been brilliant. We could talk and talk and talk because you are a wonderful gorgeous woman, but to wrap up, tell me a bit about whatās next for you.
Esther: Oh, well, believe it or not, Iām still in book edits for Cavewomen Donāt Get Fat. That will probably take me through to at least April/May. Then I am looking into creating some online programs for people. Iām looking to do some media work and television work. So I have lots of iron in the fire right now.
Jonathan: I love it. So it sounds like if individuals havenāt seen you yet, they will be seeing you soon.
Esther: They will be seeing me soon, yes. Of course, thereās always another book to explore whatās next in the writing. So thereās always something coming across my plate, which is a blessing.
Jonathan: I love that, Esther. Well, our paths, I bet, will cross here, coming up, because my next book is also coming out in early 2014, so who knows? Maybe weāll see each other on a whirlwind tour of sorts, who knows?
Esther: What is it called?
Jonathan: Itās called The Calorie Myth with HarperCollins.
Esther: Beautiful. Congratulations. Thatās great.
Jonathan: Thank you. So we can have maybe a joint appearance somewhere and I can try to be gorgeous with you.
Esther: You already are, darling. You already are.
Jonathan: Esther, where can individuals learn more about you? Mention your books again so that we can all become gorgeous.
Esther: I am at LivingGorgeous.com ā my website. My Facebook fan page is Living Gorgeous. I am on Twitter. I am on LinkedIn. Iām everywhere. So, just find me. Come visit. Say hello.
Jonathan: Once again, folks, her name is Esther Blum. One of the things I love about Esther, as you can tell already, is sheās rooted in the truth and sheās got the tough love, but sheās also just coming with love. This is about living life. This is about enjoying. Health should feel good. It should feel healthy; it shouldnāt be a burden. It should be a blessing. I think Esther and her work just personifies that. So thatās why Iām a big fan. Happy to have you on the show, Esther. Thank you so much for joining us.
Esther: Thank you for having me.
Jonathan: Hey, everyone. Thank you so much for joining us again on Living the Smarter Science of Slim. See you soon. Remember to eat more and exercise less, but do that smarter. Talk to you soon!
Jonathan: Wait, wait. Donāt stop listening yet.
Carrie: You can get fabulous free SANE recipes over at CarrieBrown.com.
Jonathan: And donāt forget, your 100 percent free Eating and Exercise Quick Start Program as well as free fun daily tips delivered right into your inbox at BailorGroup.com
